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| Sex (California Style) |
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| Written by Redryder | |
| Thursday, 31 March 2005 | |
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HOW CALIFORNIANS FIND PARDNERS First, let's analyze the facts you already know. You KNOW what she drives. A BMW? A Porche? A Yugo??? Next, observe her licence plate AND FRAME (crucial) - this can tell you where she's "from" ("Happiness is living in Barstow"), what sport she likes ("Happiness is Climbing rocks"), marital statis ("Happiness is Being single") and if she has a vanity plate ..... her name (Buffy?). With a little experience you can even learn to judge her height/leg length by the position of her body relitive to the steering wheel. In either case, indicate that you are listening to the same station. If it isn't already open, roll down your window. If her window stays closed, use the international signal for "Please roll your window down", (a hand cranking air motion) This symbol is valid for manual or electric windows. SAY HI !! Try an innocuous, opening line like, ' Wanta do lunch?" If it's not mealtime or *****tail hour, use lines like, "I'm going to the do-it-yourself car wash, wanta get clean with me?" If the answer is yes, just say "FOLLOW ME" and get the old washing wand primed. (Incidently.... the car wash can be one hell of a romantic spot) Once you get really good at this kind of pick-up, you can try, as a final fillip, "How bout if we just skip lunch?" or "Don't you think it's easier to wash the car in the nude?" THE GROUP STOPLIGHT PICKUP Especially popular with the youth of Beverly Hills and certain beach towns, it works like this ....... A group of cute dudette's in a VW Scirocco pull up to a group of guys in a jeep. COOLNESS is the order of the day. Start by exchanging some good natured hooting and snickering ..... then make a plan to meet at a party (There's ALWAYS a party at the beach somewhere) - it's a safe place to meet and check out other dudes and dudettes. When the light turns green and the cars go their seperate ways .... that's when to start on who was hot, and who's going to end up with whom. TRAFFIC SCHOOL PICK-UP Traffic school is a pretty good place to pickup pardners in California. Since people there ....... usually share your interests ................ THE SUPERMARKET PICKUP Arguably the hottest spot for successful supermarket scoping is the BOY'S MARKET (The name is corporate and DOES NOT refere to the clientele) located in MARINA DEL REY, which, it is safe to say, is THE hotest bodyshop of what is already the "Swingles Capital" of the Swingles capital of America. Here, the most eligible singles in all of California parade up and down the eisles, picking up a can of Cambell's Soup here, a Stouffer's frazen entree' there, but shopping for much, much more. The best time is between 6-8 pm, the best departments are Delli AND especially, Fruit and Veggies! A true garden of Eden setting replete with apples. HERE, the trick is to play dumb. Wait for a likely prospect. Pick up something. Anything - an onion, a coconut, it doesn't matter - and when the prospect passes ask, "Excuse me, but do you know how to cook this?" With any luck, you soon be enjoying a home cooking lesson with only an apron on! (incidently, shopping carts in California are designed so that all four (4) wheels swival - not just the front two - (which makes it surprisingly easy to loose control and accidently bump into someone else's cute.) THE EXCERCISING/JOGGING PICKUP On the jogging path, however, you should never bump into anyone, or you'll kill your chances right away. The jogging path gives you an excellent chance to judge the body coming at you. Check out the general physical conditioning of prospects. The state of the art place to do reasearch in SoCal is San Vicente Boulevard, in Brentwood, on the grassy-tree lined mall down the center of town. Here, only serious runners will make headway. Make sure you're in top form for this marathon. Buy (And break-in please) top-of-the-line new balance running shoes. Go for your run the same time every day. Remember - these are serious, young professionals, so don't even think of trying during office hours. The idea is to notice someone for a while. Be cool - Just a little concentrating-too-hard-to-pause nod, not to broad a smile - at first. When you are ready to make your move, try running along your prospect for a while. When this envolves you having to change directions to join her (or him), you have just made the most romantic gesture possible, to a runner, and your chances of "finishing the race" become very, very good. SINGLE ENCOUNTERS Various spiritual and "holistic" retreats offer singles encounter weekends and evenings, generally billed as an opertunity for adult singles to get together in a warm, loving, NUDE, nonsexual setting with hot tubs and private relaxation rooms. It is a chance to shed any negitive or mixed feelings that might have poisoned your mind reguarding the concept of meeting perfect strangers, stark naked, sharing a hot tub or massage. and then only perhaps (always "only perhaps") having hot monkey sex and never seeing them again. THE AIRPLANE PICKUP Californians are accustomed to long-distance travel. They are perfectly at home on coast to coast flights, and can preform most of their daily functions in the air. Meditating, exercising, taking meetings - are all done regulary on 767's. And so are pickups. The prime airline is, "AMERICAN". The best flights are "The Redeye" 10 pm flight from LAX to JFK in New York, and the noon flight from NYC to LAX. The best section for pickup used to be first class but now days it tends to be filled with "forums" on more generic outsourcing or or how to network your way to your new reality show......coach much better these days. Freed from the ordinary earthly restraints, the Californian loves to "push the envelope" aloft. Where those chances are actually consumated (generally in the lavatory, although on late night flights a blanket works A-OK too ..... Many early California flyers are to this day, are charter members of the "MILE HIGH CLUB"and forever enshrined in the hearts of pilots everywhere. NATURE SEX The balmy climate of California makes sex in the wild possible and popular. You should think of it as being at one, (or two ...or more .... depending) with the plants and animals, and sun, and rocks and sharp sticks and insects. Sure Nature Sex is a bit "Retro" but thats still KEWL in California. It also overlaps with an area known as SEX FOR DISPLAY PURPOSES, which is only slightly less kewlsome. BUSINESS SEX If you have used sex to advance yourself in "The Industry", on any other California business setting, you must remember NOT to feel gulity. Discovering that both sides of a busniess aragement are interested in sex is just a way of forming a comon bond........... in California. It's like finding out that the other person likes golf or sushi. And if you cause or run into a situation where sexual pressure is exerted in a business setting, you are on the wrong track. Sex in business should be just a getting-to-know-you thing ....... Just another way for Californian's to do business and stroke each other. Keep yor powder dry! RedRyderStay tuned for more in : SEX Part Du' |
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| Last Updated ( Saturday, 11 November 2006 ) |
How to get members of the opposite sex to smile at you in California ? Smile at them. Their responses will be automatic. Californians are the smilest people in the world !| < Prev | Next > |
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